Interview with The Cliftons - Podcast 9

I'm Billy Bob. And I'm Johnny B. Nauseous. We are the Clifton's. And you're listening to Sound Scene Revolution. Bitch. Happy holidays and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and Rosh Hashanah and whatever else. Christmas. All those great holidays. We here at Sound Scene Revolution have brought you a very special Christmas edition of our show with none other than the Bay Area's own, the Clifton's. Because it's only fair that this whole interview clocks in at about 14 minutes considering their albums about 10 songs long and I believe it clocks in at about 10 minutes. So it's all about brevity here. So we're going to jump into it. We're going to play some songs by the Clifton's and then we're going to play the interview for you guys and then we're going to make sure we give you plenty of time to take a bath to watch the icky, disgusting feeling you'll have after listening to those guys.

So before we get into it, we're going to play some tracks off of their album Sex, Drugs, and Alcohol. We'll start off with the song Sex, Drugs, and Alcohol from that album and then maybe we'll tack another one after that. But anyhow, listen to the interview. Listen to the songs. And try not to take it too seriously or seriously at all. I'm here today with the Clifton's. If you guys could just introduce yourselves real quickly and what you guys do. Yeah, my name is Albie. My name is Forrest, Forrest Gump. My name is Billy Ball. My name is Jim. And I'm Johnny Binawchus and I play bass. There's about a dozen people in this band at the moment. And I'm a friend. I don't know shit. Alright, so since that was a bust, if you guys could just tell me, I don't know, the brief history of how you guys got started and what the fuck you got started on.

Gay Punk Love, dude. Gay Punk Love. Gay Punk Love. We had a high in the sauna on a Friday, you know. It was like, you know, where all the cool guys hang out, you know, Friday night. It's a popular bathhouse. The A-frame, that's what it's all about. Yeah, and so we all hooked up and met up at my apartment in San Francisco. And, you know, one thing led to another and things got weird. Jelly was bust out. Jealousy was all over the place. Yeah. Some people were paying more attention to other people. Yeah, the energy going between us was just, it was basically a swingers deal and, you know, you know how it goes. And now we're a band. Because we figured it's the only way we could stay together and have an excuse for it.

Yeah, exactly. Lover's quail. I'm on the way better. And there's probably about enough ex-Clifton's out in the crowd tonight to make a Clifton's own band. If anybody decides not to show up, we've got to cover it. And they've all played bass. Yeah. All right. Where do you take an interview from a position like that? So, basically, has your guys' gay love ever interfered with the band? Lots of times. Sometimes jealousy between band members is because we pay more attention to one than the other. Like, we'll be playing live. I don't like it when Johnny looks at Albie like that. Yeah, when we're playing live, I'll try to look back at Albie and give him a wink and then Johnny will see it and he'll kind of nudge me with the bass and knock.

Like, fuck you. That's my bitch. Yeah. But then, you know, it all ends up like we end up rocking out and having a good old gay time. As long as, like, one of them are, like, holding the coke, it's all good. I'll be insisting on playing the drums just so they can look at all our bums. Exactly. There's just an anal nitrate or amyl nitrate, whatever they call it these days. Or a tranquilizer. I think. Or a tranquilizer? I think.

Pulling up your butthole with a straw. We've been partying with a lot of Special K these days, you know, cooking it up in the oven, you know, and scraping it. That's what my phone sounds like. That's, that's not a thing. My butthole's numb. I'm not going to say anything. It's my ring for socks, too. Yeah, we just, we had, like, a couple fans, you know, blowing dope up our asses earlier. And really dedicated, you know. You know, they supply the dope and they're willing to blow it up your ass. So, all right, so Johnny's on the phone. He's got a kind of, on the other side of that wall, he's like, hey, man, we're about to start, man. So, I told him to wait five minutes so we can finish. Well, maybe we can wrap this up outside if you guys want.

We can take a little break in between. No, we should do it because I'm only getting these keys to this back. Oh, one time? All right, so we'll try and make it quickly. All right, so we'll cut in to the next question. Has anyone, you guys' live show's pretty crazy. Have you guys ever felt any, like, repercussions or backlash from audience? Lots of times. Fights. Bloodshed. Broken bottles. I've been banned from a lot of clubs. Oh, yeah. Fuck the Gilman. You either love us or hate us. The funniest part is we got banned from every club the first year we played. Then we put out a record, or two seven inches and a CD, and then every single one of those clubs asked us back. And they're like, you're never going to play in this club again?

Fuck, call the cops. Had I'll be arrested. We're playing the club, like, a couple months later just because we got checked out. Banging chicks in the bathroom. Well, because when we did it, we did that, nobody knew who we were. And so, word got around all these different bookers that this band's fucking up the clubs and no one's even there. So it's like, wouldn't you be pissed if you lost money, you had to pay your bouncers and all that shit? There's like ten people that paid, and half of them were, like, on the guest list. And fucking, the band's breaking your monitors and all your speakers. And then there's the minor girls, like the 14-year-old girls. They're nice and tight, just right. That's not minor.

They're going to be younger than that. That's not minor. You guys got, like, a 15-year-old swing age either way, up or down. Aw, dude. No, well, it's not. We got a curve. Boys are any age. Yeah, whatever. Boys aren't off-limits at all. Like, I mean, they could be, like, two years old. And I prefer, actually, older women. I like them when they're retired. I don't care, okay? I mean, come on. I just like to fuck retarded, like, little boys. Because they don't complain. And they're always down for more. Pretty much. Oh, wow. Can we say this on live internet? Yeah, you can say it. This is the last free form of media, so you guys can do that. Free form. Fuck the FCC. And we're all out for free form of anything free and that can take form or acceptable.

Oh, yeah. Or make us change form. Yeah. So, um. Or make us change someone else's form to a big blowhole. Funny. Where shit just drips. They got to cork it. That's what butt plugs are for, don't you know that? It's for when your butt hole's all stretched out and you need to plug it. So you don't poop your pants when you're back in your cubicle.

Gay guys always have money. That's why we're into them. Oh, yeah. That's why you can win gay. They're always rich. Yeah, they always have like a spider, drop top spider. Bags know how to party, man. Just plain and simple. That's how we got a majority of our gear. We posted these ads on Craigslist that said, you know, straight guy needs money. And then we just jerk off like gay guys, you know, for money. And then it's cool. Like, they're willing to pay so much to get, you know, jerked off by a straight guy. Not only that, but you could say, you could also put up postings like, I'm so depressed. My girlfriend just dumped me and I'm kind of bicarious. I've never done it. I'm going to show her. I want someone to teach me how to suck cock.

And I'm really broke and I need a place to stay and I'll suck your cock for a week. Like, well, I have that down really well because I copy and paste it every week in a Craigslist. And that's kind of how I pay rent. And then I copy and paste it from Johnny. You can paste for so much. I have that shit in a Word file. They would like copy and paste that exact speech. And you'd be surprised. And you say, send me photos of your cock. And they seriously reply, photos of their cock. And they're always big. It's crazy. I mean, dongers. I like the bigger black ones. We're talking enormous, you know. Yeah. I'm all about it. You only need to ask us four questions and we'll just talk forever. I think I can, yeah. What's next?

Give it to me. Give it to me. Double flip. Triple flip. That's how we pay for the gear, you know, because all the gear we're getting, it's like we make probably nothing per week. How do you think we get to play the same clubs again? How much gear we break is like hundreds. You know, guitars are always breaking. Drums are breaking. Yeah. That's how we make the minus. I pay rent that way and I also get my gear that way. Well, there you go. Exactly. It's an effective method and all it takes is one post every week. So, there you go. I just want to plug the band The Runs right now just because they're next door waiting for us to come out. So, I just want to say their name.

There, I said it. They're being very plugged. There, I got them plugged. Go check them out as well. Go check out The Runs. Has there ever been an instance that you guys talk about, you know, get backlash from fans or clubs? Has there ever been one instance? Well, my wiener just fell out. Hold on. I didn't zip my pants. I totally... I'm not wearing any underwear. I'm not wearing any underwear. Look, I got razor burn, too. How so? What are you talking about? Where's the camera? I shaved my smalls. What are you talking about? Crab's climbing on my balls. Itchy, itchy, itchy. Scratchy, scratchy, scratchy. His trouser hogan just popped out. Shaved my smalls. Crab's climbing on my balls. All right. All right. Well, what's up?

What are these Clifton's lyrics that I wrote that you guys don't know about yet? They'll be playing that tonight. No, these guys haven't heard it yet. Only Vern's heard it. It's called I Got the Crazy Crabs. Scott from The Runs helped me write it. And that'll be up for later this year, I'm hoping. Yeah. It'll be luck. All right. If we're not dead. If you're alive. Well, you can get a post-humanist. Humanist. Anyhow. So is there one instance that you guys would say was like probably the craziest thing playing live where either the club went aged shit on you? I think it would have to be when I seen bottles flying past my head and they're coming for my own drummer. Yeah. Oh, dude. They would just disappear into the back of the club.

But you'd see it disappear in the darkness and then smash. I saw one go by my ear and it's actually on the Way of the West DVD on that DVD, The Way of the West. You can see it. It flies by my ear and it almost hits my ear and all of a sudden it hits the fucking monitor and turns to sprinkles. Oh my God. I've never seen a bottle turn to sprinkles before. If that would have hit me. Wait, wait. Was that coming from the crowd? No. That was coming from behind us. Our drummer. Our drummer threw it at me and it almost hit my ear and he was throwing it so goddamn fast that when it hit the monitor near my feet, it turned into glitter and the lights were shining in my face and I just see glitter glass falling down. He throws a pack of firecrackers into the crowd and then he peeks all over the place.

I brought a bunch of, uh, vinaigrette dressings and all that. Grabbing girls by their tits, calling them sluts. Rotten fruit and vegetables from my refrigerator. I just cleaned out my fridge and I never cleaned my fridge out and I was throwing shit into the crowd. I like melons. Fuck yeah. Melons are good. Albie runs out into the front of the crowd and slips on the floor and just smacks his head. That's in that video too. Penis in hand. This is in a DVD? This is on a DVD. Yeah. You can get it at sunsetart.com. Sunset Art. That got us banned from San Francisco for two years until Boom was the only good guy that had a fucking podcast. All our shows were canceled after that. Word got out, dude. Scott Alcoholics didn't want to have anything to do with us.

Albie got arrested. We went to court the day early so we fucking missed the court date. The next day we were too lazy to go and nothing ever happened to that. They were trying to sue us. Because we were on tour in Toronto. Remember that? We were on tour in Toronto. And so you couldn't make the court date. Yeah, we flew out to Toronto to showcase for a record label the next day. The record label flew out to see us and we did all that shit. I broke one of the chick's tailbones. He fucking broke the chick's tailbone and slipped a disc because he ran out and slid to the crowd and the chick fell to her ass and they still wanted to sign us. The chick's first time in California, she's laying in a fucking bed. No, but she was laying in her bed at the hotel room the whole time.

Couldn't go to Santa Cruz or none of that shit. Did I mention she was in her undies? And then the next day they bought us fucking plane tickets and flew us out to Toronto, rented a yacht, had us play on a yacht on Lake Ontario and had all these caves. It was smashing, baby. Smashing. We hung out with Newfoundland people. Yeah, and heckled us. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, it was insane. He had a little candle on him. It's my life.

But I would imagine after seeing a show like that, you've got to be like, well, these guys aren't going to be alive much longer. So after they're dead, we're going to make a bunch of money off their albums. Someone ever asked if we ever planned to be famous or if we were trying to be famous, and I just said, yeah, after we're dead. Yeah. We're never going to see a dime. We don't want to be liked. Three years when we're dead. We're not trying to make any friends. We're just trying to shake shit up because fucking rock and roll is so dead and pussy shit right now. And emo, screamo, bleemo, emo. Blee mo, screamo, bleemo. We're fucking putting the rock back into rock and roll. We're putting the cock back into rock and roll.

We're fucking cock rock punk. After this interview. You guys want to see my wiener? No. You just saw my wiener. I did not. It looks like I have pimples all over my balls because I've seen you guys three times. I'm sure at some point it's come out. It came out at the edge when you saw us. I pulled my wiener out after I jumped off his back into the drum kit. Again, I wasn't totally sure of that, but now. I was playing guitar that night. Yeah. I jumped on his back and then he fucking threw me into the drums. Yes. The sound guy really loved us. Did you guys ever hear about the crazy wild orgies with the minors after that performance? Yes. Holy shit. We fed a bunch of coke to these underage chicks. Oh my God. Girls gone wild.

Holy shit. Wait, wait. Ain't there girls that eat the roofies in their drinks? Holy shit. That was when we were on choice, right? That was God. Yeah. We went to this Catholic school and we were on tour and these guys, it was all boys school and this guy thought it would be a good idea to put roofies in like those milks, you know, those little 50 cent milks. Yeah. He pried a couple of them open and he put some of those roofies in and just only the cute boys, you know, of course. We have high standards. We don't fuck anything. We have to fuck kids. We only like blonde boys. Blonde, blue eyed, curly hair. Sailor looking boys. Yeah. Short and curly. Short and curly. And he walks up to the guy and he's like, hey man, I'll trade you this milk for that fucking one tater tot.

I gave him cheese and cheese. And the guy's like, yeah, I'll trade you a milk for one tater tot. And he downed the milk and then we fucking pulled him into the van. They ended up selling merch for the rest of the tour. They forgot where they were. They didn't know where they were. We turned him into a Tomer-esque zombie. Like we put, we drilled a hole in his brain and put like battery acid in there and turned him into a little sex slave zombie. Exactly. You know, that's, it's really easy to do these days, you know, with the young kids. They're already so mindless, you know, they just let perverts like us. Oh, stop. Penetrate for love. And that's what we get at home. We can provide that for that. That's right when we come in.

I'll give him that love and embrace. I'll show you how that works. There's gay punk love all over the world now. From every time we tour, we open up. We're taking over. It's like 4-H. Gay punk love. It's the new order. It's like the brownies. It's nothing like 4-H. It's totally like 4-H. It's all about love. It's like the worst 4-H ever. It's like Weeblows without the badges. Dude, like my wiener. Oh. No. He's getting closer every time and it's only a matter of time before he's sitting on my lap doing my wiener again. Tony's taking a liking to someone. All right. It sounds like we're about getting ready. So I guess we're going to wrap this up. We'll make this one. Yeah. Check out killtheclifthons.com, our website. Anything that's the last thing you guys want to say.

And myspace.com forward slash theclifthons and fucking post photos of your dicks so we can pick out which ones we want to fuck. Yeah. I mean, the bigger the better. Hey, send them in. And if you have a sister that has big tits, she can watch. Again, we'd like to thank the Clifthons for coming by. I'm sure they won't remember this. Check out the site, killtheclifthons.com. Fuck you. Thank you. I love suck dicks. Gay punk love. All right. Well, I hope you enjoyed that Express fast food McDonald's version of Sound Scene Revolution. Um, I really need to go take a Brillo pad to my whole body because I just feel gross after that. And, again, don't take it too seriously. Don't send us, actually send us your fucking hate mail because it's better than the mail we're getting right now from you people, which is fucking nothing.

So send us your hate mail at soundscenerevolution at gmail.com. Or you could hit our message board or you could send us a comment on our fucking MySpace web page. We're under Sound Scene Revolution on MySpace. We're everybody's friend but Tom. Tom is not our friend, so don't try and add us, Tom, you fucking whore. Um, that concludes this episode of Sound Scene Revolution in record time. We're going to bring you two more tracks off the Clifton's album Sex, Drugs, and Alcohol that are going to be Gimme Nothing and The Life You Never Had, Clocking in the I believe at a combined total of under three minutes. So give it up for the Clifton's. Be sure to tune in. Every week we got new artists, new songs, new stuff coming out.

Um, over the holidays we may put out a mix of songs, but we will not, more likely than not, we will not have an interview. So tune in for music, but not my annoying voice. Alright, thanks for listening.

I'm Billy Bob Clifton. And I'm Johnny B. Nauseous. And you're listening to Sound Scene Revolution.

I'm Billy Bob Clifton. And I'm Johnny B. Nauseous. And you're listening to Sound Scene. Wait, I'm Billy Bob Clifton, Johnny B. Nauseous, and we're the Clifton's. And you're listening to Sound Scene. Come on. Billy Bob. I'm Billy Bob. I'm Johnny B. Nauseous. And we're the Clifton's.

Come on, faggot.